One of my pet peeves is a bad experience. It could be bad food, bad service, a pushy salesperson, etc. Today I went to a restaurant that just didn’t have a good vibe when I walked in. I was already there so I decided I’d just go ahead and stick it out.

The server was in his very early twenties and you could tell he wasn’t really a ’server’. He was probably the owner’s son: one of those kids that reluctantly works in the family business so he can justify his expensive college tuition.

The kid was a little timid, I almost felt that he was too scared to ask me for my order. When he finally mustered up the courage, I told him what I wanted and off he went. About 10 mins later he showed up at my table, food in hand, and quickly ‘dropped’ it off and split the scene.

After I finished eating (BTW, nobody came by to check on me, or my food - but I digress), a ‘bus-boy’ type person came by and picked up my dish (without asking me if I was done) and whisked everything away.

A few minutes later, as I was getting ready to place my order for a nice sweet dessert, my ’server’ came by and dropped off the check. What? Could that be? What about dessert? A coffee?

So I asked the little man, “aren’t you going to ask me if I want dessert?”. Not only is that classic restaurant upselling strategy, its what hospitality is all about. I must’ve shocked him, as if people in this San Francisco restaurant don’t normally order dessert.

He went on to tell me that they only had one, maybe 2 different dishes. He really did a bad job in ’selling’ me so I decided I’d just pay my bill and get the heck out. If a bad experience is one pet peeve, putting up with it is another.

Now I really wanted something sweet. The idea of not being able to have it was getting to me. So I walked right in to the restaurant next door and placed my order.

I wonder if I would’ve been better off just staying at the first place :-)

One of the masters of sales and relationship building is the late Mary Kay Ash, founder of Mary Kay Inc., the cosmetics powerhouse.

She built a successful business that stands stronger and prouder each year with an average growth of about 28% per annum. So what can we learn from this wonderful businesswoman?

First off, take a moment to consider one of her famous quotes:

“I have learned to imagine an invisible sign around each person’s neck that says, ‘Make me feel important!”.

To me, this is a powerful message… if I think about all of my relationships, whether they be business or personal (although the line is pretty blurry), the strongest ones are either where somebody has made me feel important, or vice versa.

My business is all about relationships… maintaining existing ones and building new ones. In fact, I’d even go as far as saying that I’m in the relationship business. I know that without the strength of my relationships, my businesses would not be as strong as they are.

Of course I’m not suggesting that my relationships are perfect… nobody can really make that claim. But I do know that I work as hard as I can to maintain and strengthen them. I know I can do better, and I see the benefits almost immediately when I focus on any one. But that’s just it… its a constant job, one that needs love and attention all the time.

So what are you doing to build and strengthen your relationships? Who are you making feel important? Has anybody ever made you feel important? Think about the last time you were made to feel important, how nice that felt, and exactly what the other person did. Now, think about how you can turn that around and try that today. Let me know what you think. Good luck.

To learn more about Mary Kay, check out what the American National Business Hall of Fame has to say about her.

A Harvard professor once taught me to complain about everything. He theorized that if we complained about everything, people would work harder to deliver better service.

After some more experience in the field, I have come to learn that he was only partially correct. It is true, that complaining can help you get what you want, but the opposite could also be true; complaining could have a negative affect.

So after many years of practicing and tweaking my approach, I’ve learned that a complaint by it self is useless. In practice, the best way to complain is to take the time to complain right.

By this I mean actually taking time to understand the issue, the possible factors at play, the actual players involved and then, having taken all that in to consideration; think what you would’ve done differently. Once you devise a strategy that you think works, speak to the person in charge and explain to them your circumstances and what you came up with.

But the trick here is not to complain to them… not actually. Rather, try to talk to them and solicit their feedback. Make it a two-way conversation. Not a bitch-session, not an-angry-customer-yelling-at-the-manager-session; simply, two people having a meaningful and beneficial conversation.

Your goal should be to befriend the Manager… to learn their perspective and their views, as well as share yours. A Manager that really cares and has the ability to do something about the situation, will work with you and do what is right. Others will just go along with you, thinking that their path of least resistance is to just listen because ‘the customer is always right’.

Based on your ’sit-down’, decide whether they have earned your business and whether you will visit again. But also leave knowing that you did the right thing and you helped them become better. Whether they take you up on your genoristy is up to them.